There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
