so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
