I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
