Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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