it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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