I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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