So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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