If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
