Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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