Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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