yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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