Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
