you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
