I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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