nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
