so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
