it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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