I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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