I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
