if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
