can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
