Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
