i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
