a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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