Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
