my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
