you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
