Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had to cum in my sink.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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