I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
