I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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