am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
