I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
