I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Randomize
