Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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