the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
