.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
