she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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