tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
