I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
