his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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