glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
