That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize