Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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