we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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