there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
