The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
