I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
