Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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