kristin has been a bad kristin
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize