remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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