You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
