your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
