either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize