I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's great music for shaving your balls
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize