All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
