My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize