Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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