I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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