Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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