"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
