Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
