By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
