I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
