there's paper in my vomit.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
