i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
only you would photoshop your dick
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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