So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
