Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
