dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
