Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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