I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
