I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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