Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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