soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
