Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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