I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
