Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
