we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
