I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
